> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # I Loved the Ride Home With My Dad - URL: https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/i-loved-the-ride-home-with-my-dad/ - Published: 2026-09-10T16:04:35.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-10T16:04:35.000Z - Description: The worst memory athletes named, year after year, was the car ride home. Two families who got it right, and what a coach can do about it. - Author: Bruce Brown - Tags: Article, Parents, Parents & Family, #newsletter “I loved the ride home after the game with my dad.” We have all read the social media stories and posts about the car ride home being a bad memory for the athlete when a parent means well but doesn’t really understand what the athlete needs. Responsibilities for parents before the season begins, during the game and after the game (the car ride home) have been part of our [Role of Parents in Athletics](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/the-role-of-parents/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=cta-the-role-of-parents) presentation for 25 years. ## Two questions I asked my athletes I would never think that I should tell people how to raise their kids… but athletes will. As a young coach, I had a great mentor coach who suggested that I start getting feedback from my athletes after they had played for me. The purpose was to shorten my learning curve… and it did. I asked them [a series of questions](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/athlete-questions/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=cta-athlete-questions). Two of those questions were: What was your favorite memory from this experience, and what was your worst memory from this experience? I wanted to know if there was something in my coaching style that was creating bad memories for my athletes that I needed to change. There were lots of answers to the second question, but the most common bad memory was “in the car with my dad/mom/parents after the game.” I went further and asked, “What was happening in the car?” It made me examine my own behavior with our kids. The content of our presentation to parents is entirely from 30 years of players’ feedback. It is what their athlete would like to say but probably never would. ## Two great examples for us to follow [“I love watching you play.”](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/i-love-watching-you-play/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=cta-i-love-watching-you-play) This comment came during a Fundamentals of Coaching class I was teaching to college seniors. During a discussion about the coach-parent-athlete triangle, one of the students said, “I loved having my grandparents come to my games because no matter how I played or the outcome of the game, all they ever said to me was, *Oh Natalie, we just love watching you play.*” In 2012, Yahoo sportswriter Steve Henson produced an article entitled [What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent — and What Makes a Great One](https://web.archive.org/web/20151226162938/http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent) from a presentation we had done at the American Baseball Coaches Association (ABCA) convention. In 2005, Proactive Coaching was humbled to receive the ABCA Honor Award along with Hall of Fame player Cal Ripken Jr. Cal and I were sequestered in a side room waiting for the luncheon when I asked Cal what his memories of youth baseball were. One of his best, he told me, was being in the car with his dad after games. “I loved it when my dad was able to come to my games. He was a major league manager, and I knew how much he knew about baseball, and I wanted to learn as much as possible from him. But he never talked about baseball or the game unless I brought it up. Then he never overwhelmed me with long, involved answers. He had a gift of always leaving me wanting more and interested in his opinion. That kept me asking and learning.” ## Understand what the ride home actually is Your athlete has just finished the most exposed hour of their week. They are tired, they know exactly how they played, and they cannot get out of the car. Most parents get in that car wanting to help. Almost none of them are trying to do damage. But wanting to help turns into analyzing, and analyzing that soon after a performance does not land as help. Athletes named the same three things over and over. The breakdown of the game they just played. The comparison to a teammate. And the parent who criticizes the coach — which asks a child to choose between the two adults they need most. ## Give your parents the five words When those same athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel best, the answers were short. Not speeches. One sentence. **I love watching you play.** That is all of it. It works because of what it does not say. It is not a grade. It does not mention the score or hint at what should have gone differently. It tells a son or daughter that a parent’s enjoyment of them is not attached to how they performed. Say it, and then let it be quiet. If they want to talk about the game, they will bring it up, and they will bring it up on their own terms. The best conversations about a hard loss happen the next day, at the kitchen table, started by the athlete. ## Decide what your parents hear from you first You are not in that car. You cannot be. What you can decide is what the parents in your program have heard from you before they get there. Most of them have never been told any of this. They are doing what their own parents did, or what they believe a supportive parent is supposed to do. Nobody has ever given them another way. What do your athletes hear on the way home? Who is doing the talking? Is anything being said about you in those cars that a fourteen-year-old should not have to carry? **You cannot coach the ride home. You can prepare the people who are driving.** This week - Send your parents one short note. A paragraph is enough — give them the five words and one sentence about why. - Ask them to wait until the athlete brings up the game first. Three games is enough for a family to notice the difference. - Ask two or three of your own athletes, privately, what the ride home is usually like. Their answers will tell you more about your families than a parent meeting will. - Start with the parents of your youngest athletes. The habit is easier to build in a freshman family than to break in a senior one. - If a parent is criticizing you in the car, it will reach you eventually. Handle it once, directly, with the parent — never through the athlete. ## And if you are the parent Nearly every coach is also somebody’s mom or dad, sitting in those same bleachers on a night off. It is harder when it is your own child, and knowing the material does not make it any easier. Say the five words anyway. Then drive. ## Bring this to your community The Role of Parents in Athletics is one of our most requested presentations. To schedule a speaker for your community, contact Rob Miller at 913.449.3356 or rob@proactivecoaching.ai, or [book a speaker](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/book-a-speaker/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=cta-book-a-speaker). ## References - [Parents After the Game — the two questions, and what athletes told me, on video](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/parents-after-the-game/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=after-the-game) (14 minutes, in the library) - [Athlete Questions — my written list, preseason to exit interview](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/athlete-questions/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=athlete-questions) (in the library) - [I Love Watching You Play — the same story, on video](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/i-love-watching-you-play/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=watching-you-play) (5 minutes, in the library) - [What Makes a Nightmare Sports Parent — and What Makes a Great One, by Steve Henson, ThePostGame, 2012](https://web.archive.org/web/20151226162938/http://www.thepostgame.com/blog/more-family-fun/201202/what-makes-nightmare-sports-parent) - [5 Things Athletes Would Like Their Parents To Know And Do — the article written for parents, with its own after-the-game section](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/5-things-athletes-would-like-their-parents-to-know-and-do/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=five-things) (in the library) - [The Role of Parents — the booklet, written from the athlete’s point of view](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/the-role-of-parents/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=role-of-parents) (in the library) [Start 7 days free →](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/pricing/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=cta-button) **About this piece and the references in it** This piece is open to everyone — free to read, and yours to forward to the parents in your program. The library pieces in the references above are the full working materials: the after-the-game video, the athlete questions, the origin of “I love watching you play,” the five things athletes would like their parents to know and do, and The Role of Parents, the booklet written from the athlete’s point of view. Those live in the library, along with every booklet, video, podcast and article Bruce made — most of it now narrated. That is what membership opens. If you would rather look around first, there is a [seven-day free trial](https://www.proactivecoaching.ai/pricing/?utm%5Fsource=newsletter&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fcampaign=ride-home-2026&utm%5Fcontent=cta-pricing). Know a coach whose families could use this? Please forward it along — to a coach, to your athletic director, or straight to a parent. It lands better coming from a friend. — Proactive Coaching