Parents · Article · 5 min read

Parent's Role Additions

Asking permission before you give advice — how parents earn the right to be heard by their grown athlete.

Parent's Role Additions

Additions to the Parent's Role

  • When you ask permission, you validate their uniqueness and maturity, and you also offer them honor. When you are willing to share from your experience, you offer them a seat at the table of adulthood, treating them like a peer. If you want your adult children to honor your advice, you must honor them first by asking permission to share.
  • Quote from an athlete: "I had domineering parents who tried to build my confidence by telling me that I was better than everyone. No coach was ever good enough and my teammates weren't worthy. What that resulted in was poisoned relationships with teammates and no relationships with any coaches until I got away from home."
  • Adult-run organized sport for children, which dominates contemporary youth sport, leaves children out of the decision making. It is rule-centered rather than action-centered — adults divide players into teams and assign them to major and minor leagues. The play is serious, with the outcome being more important than the process. Some parents and coaches are too demanding, making sport work instead of fun — something to be dreaded rather than enjoyed.

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