Teach the player that a lost temper is not competitiveness — it is emotion out of control, and it costs the team. Bruce Brown draws this line directly: anger, temper, and frustration are wasted energy, and out-of-control emotion does two things — it discourages your teammates and encourages your opponents. So name the behavior privately, without attacking the kid's competitive fire. Then give a replacement skill: Brown's Play, Recover, Play (PRP) routine trains athletes to recover from a mistake or bad call faster than the game requires and get ready for the next play. Practice the recovery routine the way you practice any skill, and hold the standard: composure is a choice, not a personality trait.
Isn't a hot temper just part of being a competitor?
No. Bruce Brown is explicit: do not confuse anger, temper, or frustration with being competitive. Being mad is not the same as being fired up. Anger may help performance briefly, but a player focused on what made them angry is not prepared for what comes next. In Brown's words, if you lose your poise, you have lost.
How do I teach a player to recover after a bad call or a mistake?
Use Brown's Play, Recover, Play sequence. Calls, opponents, and results are uncontrollables; the response is always in the player's control. Have the player build a specific refocus routine and rehearse it in practice. Recovery has to happen faster than the game requires, and speed comes from repetition.
What do I say in the conversation with the player?
Keep the fire, redirect the response. Frustration is normal — the question, as Brown puts it, is where it goes. Privately, tell the player their intensity is an asset and their reaction is the problem: out-of-control emotion discourages teammates and encourages opponents. Brown points to Jackie Robinson — the discipline to not fight back is strength, not softness.
The answer above is the what — for the how, read Compete: Traits of an Elite Competitor in the library, free for 7 days with a Proactive Coaching trial.
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